Trump as Caesar

The comparisons are not out of line, and that’s a good thing for our side.


The libtards are currently shit hot on portraying Trump as Julius Caesar, and take great delight in watching his mock execution at recent Shakespeare in the Park productions. Their comparison is actually quite apt, though they do not know why. One thing I have found consistently about liberals is that they have only a rudimentary grasp of history, and never question the gaps in the narrative invariably left by substandard history teachers. If they understood history, they would know that Roman history did not turn out well for those who opposed Caesar.

How did Gaius Julius Caesar come to power? Not through the traditional methods, to be sure. Caesar was working in the last days of the Republic. One can reasonably argue that it was a dead letter before he was named dictator for life. He was an outsider who despite having wealth and a good family name was not part of the in-crowd among Rome’s elite. He sought as his base not the merchant and banker middle class or their hangers-on, but the poor of Rome, citizens who had seen their birthright diluted by foreigners and financial elites. Caesar was the first major politician since the Gracchi brothers to actively court voters in the slums. Sound familiar?

After essentially purchasing a consulship (there were two consuls, who were like co-presidents), the Roman Senate, a bunch of self-interested elitist pricks, tried to fuck over old Gaius by exiling him to a governorship in Gaul, just over the Alps in what is now southeastern France. He could have served out his time and retired, but that was not in his nature. Caesar, like Trump, was driven by two factors: an overwhelming desire to make it to the top of the heap, and a love of country. Many try to deny the latter just as they deny Trump loves America, but these people tend to be binary thinkers who don’t understand history, human nature, or jack shit.

So what did the notorious GJC do? Took over all of Gaul. Fucking all of it. He spent eight years kicking the shit out of proto-Frenchmen and looting their shit. He kept some of that booty for himself, but he sent a lot of it back to Rome. There, it paid for food and entertainment for the poor as well as cleverly-placed political bribes. He wrote his own memoirs of his Gallic conquests and sent them back to Rome. His military glory and support of the Roman poor made him immensely popular. More so than any of the condescending pricks who fancied themselves Rome’s masters or their low-class figurehead Gnaeus Pompey Magnus, certainly. They did not like it, not one bit. Caesar was an outsider who did not like their program of self-aggrandizement at the expense of Roman society, and he had the means to topple that program. They declared him a criminal for his unauthorized conquest of Gaul and ordered him to return to the city to answer charges of bribery and treason, both of which carried a death sentence.

Caesar understood the score. He knew that after the dictatorships of Marius and Sulla and the murder of the Gracchi Brothers, the Roman Senate and the ruling class of patricians were completeley full of shit. The law was what they said it was and what it was depended on what made them richer and more powerful. In their incestuous pissing contests, the patricians had flooded Rome with slaves that put common Romans (plebeians) out of work, and used this inflicted poverty to buy up all the land and hence means of production. Regular Roman farmers could not compete with the huge, slave-operated plantations of the patricians. Sound familiar? Caesar grasped all this, did not like it, and realized that when a legal system is not used fairly, evenly, and for the benefit of all, it can be violated by any man who has the means to escape punishment. Laws are for everyone or for no one, and Caesar wasn’t going to be tried in a kangaroo court by a bunch of soft-handed catamites.

What happened next was one of the greatest stories in Western history. Caesar, with one legion, marched into Italy and crushed his old friend and fellow triumvir Pompey, kicking his wrinkled old ass up and down the Mediterranean. After banging the queen of Egypt like a screen door in a hurricane, Caesar came back to Rome where he was honored with the title of dictator for life. By law, dictators could only serve for six months, but that law had already been ignored so often and so flagrantly that no one could really say it was wrong for Caesar to do so and keep a straight face. The common people loved Caesar in power because even if he did things that screwed them over, he screwed over the patricians even harder. They were content to take three inches of dick up the ass in exchange for their enemies taking nine. Sound familiar?

That is not to say that Caesar screwed over the plebs. He by and large kept his promises. He created large infrastructure projects that were only open to Romans. He limited the number of slaves that could be imported to create employment for the common people. He appointed plebeians and patrician outsiders to positions of power. Any of this sound familiar? Along the way, he pissed off a lot of people, mainly wealthy patricians and the rich among the plebeians who saw his actions as a threat to their power. They took action.

By their reasoning, a man who relied on the plebs had no real allies worth mentioning. The patricians who sided with Caesar were traitors who could be expunged with no consequence. A plot to assassinate Caesar was launched, led by Brutus and Cassius. They stabbed the old boy to death, under the premise that they were saving the republic. Of course, by that time, the republic was the governmental equivalent of a porn star in her sixties, and in no way resembled how it had originally been designed. Made to protect the Roman people and bind them together, buttressed by traditional Roman values, the republic had descended into a place of sharp class divisions with no sort of restraint, where the law applied only to people who could not pay their way out of its consequences and where slaves and foreigners displaced the Roman people. Sound familiar?

The elitist nancy boys and their more militant accomplices (substitute John McCain and his boyfriend Lindsey Graham for Cato and Cicero and you have a good idea of who was in on this) thought that they would be greeted with parades and rose petals. In their minds, those dumb fuck plebeians should accept what a wonderful thing the elitist douchebags had done for them by murdering the one man in Rome who stood up for them. The plebeians, who were not stupid and understood their own interests, knew better. The patricians believed that they could con the plebs into thinking this was a favor because Caesar was disrupting the norms of Rome. He had been supported by the plebs for exactly this reason. The plebs were more concerned with their survival as Romans than the form of government under which they lived. The result was rioting and blood in the streets.

Caesar had named his successor, his low-born nephew and adopted son Octavian. He had chosen wisely. Octavian skillfully maneuvered his way into power and partnered with Caesar’s right hand man Marc Antony to round up and execute Caesar’s killers. One by one, those weak-wristed nancy boys were either brutally executed or forced to commit suicide. For writing nasty essays about him, Marc Antony had Cicero’s hands chopped off and his tongue cut out, which he then displayed downtown. Eventually, Antony and Octavian turned on each other, with Octavian ultimately winning. When he did, he ruled with total authority, skillfully ratfucking his political opponents and instituting some of the strictest pro-traditional laws in history.

So by all means, libtards, keep talking shit about killing Julius Trump. I know how this story ends, and it doesn’t end well for you. I for one am eager to see it played out with assault rifles and live-streamed on YouTube.

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